| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|02:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  slightly peeved | ] |
I removed the last few entries, then got lazy.
So yes, my journal is now friends only.
Bob bless livejournal for making that option.
The reason of course?
My dad.
Not that I have anything to hide, but when I want to complain about someone, I want to be able to do it freely.
So yes.
Friends only.
I encourage all of you to do that.
If I don't know ya, Comment and I might be nice enough to add you.
I love you all
-S2-Jesse |
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| bwahahaha foreign countryness |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|09:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | savage garden-truly madly deeply (oddly enough in the cafe) | ] |
alright, pretend i have friends and comment people...
wow i'm moving to this hotel
seriously
the carribean is so beautiful, as long as you're on the resort... if you drive around the rest of the island, it gets kinda scary, but oh well
oh and i tanned... kinda... just a bit, i've burned too but oh well... instead of being like "ah its a ghost, wait its jesse" its now going to be like "ah its a light brown ghost" so oh well
but i have limited time on here (internet cafe thingie downstairs) so to sum up really fast
st kitts is beautiful
i miss brian like whoa
i have actually got some color now
the end
i love you all!
oh and i turn 18 in less than a week
cheers!
-S2-Jesse |
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| The Best Love Pats Leave Bruises *sadistic smile* |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|03:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | venting... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy's Chicken Shack-High | ] |
Welp, I leave for Tyler in three and a half hours... I'm a bit sad to go though. I want to spend time with Megan, cuz I've barely seen her since school got out, actually before that even, but I really don't want to leave Bri. He keeps telling me not to go... But if I were in her situation, I'd want her to do the same for me... She's going to help out her b/f, who she was planning on staying with til her dad flipped out and demanded she take a friend. It's kinda funny cuz he told her I was "the only one of her measly friends he trusts," but yea I'll definitely be like, ok I'll chill in the hotel room and you can go "chat" with Destry... hey who am I to interfere with love life :-P Its just a one night trip, and I'll get back Friday night...
Saturday I meet my roommate, her parents, and her grandparents... they all "want to meet me" I'm scared as shit, cuz I know she's hardcore religious (but its ok cuz we talked about how I'm not and she promised not to shove it down my throat cuz she knows that sucks...) but I don't know what her family is going to be like, she already told me that her mom is really judgemental when it comes to clothing, so gr to that...
Speaking of clothing, I got non-black clothes! Aren't you proud! But yea its pretty much just for the caribbean, cuz I don't think it'll be appropriate to look like i'm at a funeral when I'm at a wedding... Yea my dad, sis, Susan and I leave Tuesday for that. I'm excited, but again sad cuz I'll be leaving Brian... I can't wait til I go to California in August when Bri can come with!
Speaking of weddings... the bastard, i mean the prick, i mean the scum... i mean... "HE" proposed to my mom... supposedly with a 9,000 dollar ring... I'm betting its fake... I cried the other night because I was thinking of all the results of that happening... I don't want to be related to an alcoholic perverted annoying-as-hell son-of-a-bitch, and that's final. I know people think I"m just bitching, but honestly my mom has done more complaining about him than I have, so what the hell is she still doing with him?!? Hopefully It will end soon, and my mom can keep the ring if its real :D
Alright, the end...
*muah*
i love you all
-S2-Jesse |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  still :D | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MIndless Self Indulgence-Faggot | ] |
bwahahaha! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Zwan-Settle Down | ] |
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| 5:28 and I just woke up... |
[Jul. 2nd, 2004|05:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brian's smeepy breathing | ] |
Which internet fad are you?
by sahAll Your Base 
You are All Your Base. You are the embodiment most popular fad on the internet: a poor grasp of the English language. Somebody set up us the bad grammar. Learn every grammar! For great justice. Which internet fad are you?
Click here to take the quiz!
Create your own quiz at Quizimodo
I loved that thing...
Anyway, Henna came over yesterday and we swam and twas fun. These peoples showed up and got in the hot tub with us, then all of us ended in the pool, and one of the guys was like hey lets wrestle on this wall between the two pools... so we did for a bit and I threw Henna in! bwahahahah! But yea we ended up spending like at least two hours there, thank bob the sun was down otherwise I woulda been crispy fried. Oh and the moon was sooo pretty. For a while it even had those creepy clouds over it while the rest of the sky was clear... tre movie-esqe no?
I think I'm gonna be in trouble... I was supposed to go to the bank before 4... and obviously since I just woke up, that's not gonna work... eep!
Me n Bri pulled a movie night last night. Any movie freaks reading should go to Blockbuster and get this deal where you can get unlimited DVDs for a month. You can get three (or two for less) at a time, no late fees, keep em as long as you want or as short as you want. Bri and I got three yesterday, and we'll prolly go trade em in today :D But first we watched Anger Management... that movie just pissed me off. I got so aggravated and frustrated I came close to turning it off several times. And I knew the whole thing would end with some big "twist" where he was set up by people and the whole thing was fake... so yea though the ending was cute, it was totally predictable and the rest of the movie was just annoying. As... well 'punishment' I kinda forced Bri to watch The Last Unicorn with me :D I haven't seen it in forever and my mom bought it so yea. He kinda liked it though. He was expecting a boring girly movie, but it's actually quite good. He hated the random music breaks though, but oh well. Then we finished it up with Big Fish, mainly because The Last Unicorn always makes me cry and I wanted to keep crying. But he liked that one too. So today we'll watch Eurotrip, then trade em in :D
Alright I'm off to wake up the Brian and look for some food that I can at least pretend to be healthy...
Love you all
-S2-Jess |
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| RILEY! STOP MASTERBATING!!! |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|01:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | brian talking to an altered henna... | ] |
Ok, before you read on, please read my subject title. That was what a woman across from me practically screamed at the table at dinner today. Now seeing as how they were loud as all hell (i blame the bottle of saki she downed) my mom, sis and I heard the rest of the conversation and she was talking about a child of hers yelling at her brother to stop masterbating... but to the other people at the restraunt, all they heard was the above mentioned statement... now I don't know about you, but if i were sitting there, enjoying my fried rice and chicken, and from across the room I hear "riley stop masterbating!!!" I'd think there was some crazy sex table across the way and I was just unlucky in the seating arrangements... but yea.
Anyways, this whole occurence took place at Edohana restraunt, this hibachi/sushi place that we went to. Bri said he had never been to one, and he had a good time, cept I told him to get fried rice and he didnt listen, then of course later he wished he had. :D
Man after I made that last entry, work got really shitty. I just had shitloads of stuff to do and I didnt know how to do it and my mom was in a pissy mood so she wasn't helping... oi. I guess thats why I get paid what I do... ah well.
I turn 18 in one month!!! Legal in all respects, I can vote (down with BUSH!), but most importantly... I can get a tatoo! ok well not really a tatoo, but I'm prolly gonna go down to the tatoo parlor and get meself all pierced up... not too much though, just a few fairly normal ones. I've wanted to get my cartilage pierced for a while, but neither of my parents would take me so bahahaha!
Alright, off to watch Scary Movie 3.
*kisses to you all*
I love you!
-S2-Jess |
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| And Another... |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|02:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | dial tones and computer beeps... | ] |
;-)
Blah to work... I do enjoy it most of the time, but I hate when I'm here with literally NOTHING to do. Me mum is in a meeting, so I can't go beg for things to mail or whatnot, I'm just stuck here, feeling guilty for reading/updating LJs and playing games and getting paid for it. *le sigh* So many of my friends have been like "hey ask your mom if I can work for her too!" Cuz yea I'm definitely making more here than I would anywhere else ($15/hr baby!!!) But there's no way anyone else could work here because what would they do?? And one friend is almost mad that I said my mom doesnt need anyone else, I had to sit there and explain that I do nothing most of the time, and barely work any hours at that and she still seemed kinda pissy. And again the guilt came over because she's workin like 35 hours a week, and I'm like, uh yea I'm lucky if I get 15, but I still make as much as her... This is yet another example of how society is just f*ed up. I sit here, removing staples and making copies, yet there she is working her ass off and getting not even half what I am... how does that work? Corporate America is a bitch... but hey, at least I can take advantage of it. Another think I've learned working for my mom is that the legal system is a bitch too. (Mum is a lawyer...) Now I know my mom needs to make her living too, but truth be told, the only way to file a law suit about something, is if you have money. Lawyers are outrageously expensive. My mom has even told me about cases where people come to her and say this is the situation, what can we do? And my mom has told them "well yes you have a case, but the legal fees are going to charge you twice what you will gain from this" so the people have to walk away screwed wrotten. Now my mom is definitely not one of those corrupt, scum-sucking lawyers that are the reason for the stereotype, and oftentimes she'll make allowances and help people and give then a discount. I'm very proud of my mom and proud of what she does... as crude as it sounds, she does her best to represent the one being screwed, not the screwer...
Welp she's out of her meeting so I"m off to do more staple-removing and copying...
love you all!
-S2-Jess |
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| WHEEEEE quizzes make me smile :D |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|02:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
interesting the difference a few letters can make... how do they make these things anyway?
| How to make a spazkittie |
Ingredients:
1 part friendliness
3 parts humour
3 parts joy |
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.comoh my god, i'm fairly sane! DAMN!!! | spazkittie's LJ stalker is cartoonzrock! | | cartoonzrock is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comso thats why he moved here... | NOTE: z | | No smoking around spazkittie. Thankyou for your co-operation. |
From Go-Quiz.comdamn straight! cigarettes are icky bleh! ok... that's enough. *muah* -S2-Jess |
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| PIZZA BOX OF DOOOOOOM! *THROW* |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|01:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | green jelly-three little pigs | ] |
Ok... so everything is ok with rachael i believe... she and bri talked and everything seems cool again, i really hope it stays that way. I don't know if i want to talk to her though, ok well no, I don't know if she wants to talk to me... I think she seems pretty cool, and I actually wouldnt mind talking about witchcraft and stuff with her... but it could be rather awkward and I don't know if she wants to deal with that... *shrug* oh well, we shall see.
Bri and I both need to get off our arses and look for a job for him... I might just send him off tomorrow while I'm at work and be like rarr go get applications!!! That is IF i work tomorrow... my mom is paying me $15/hour, but I'm barely working! So rarr I must bitch at her to make me work more... hehe. But unfortunately she leaves for Paris on Thursday. I'm starting to really be sad that I'm not going. -_- I wish it was just me, my sis and my mom. But noooo... it had to be with her jackass boyfriend... anyone know a good hitman? Cuz goodness knows me, my sis AND his daughter would throw a party... But yea, it makes me mad that that *&!*#%(^@#$(*&$&@#(*&%(*^@#(*&!@#$)*&$^^^^#@)@#%(*&&%)@!#)*$%^* is going to paris with my mom and sister... and I know people say that I could have gone, cuz my mom would have paid for it, but she didnt even ask me because she knew i'd say no... seriously, with him there, I would have a wretched time. And I refuse to ruin Paris... but a friend discribed the show at the Moulin Rouge, and I was like gah i wanna goooooo! rarr. Perhaps I shall win a billion dollars, and I shall go next summer... who wants to come with me? If I win the money, I'll pay all expenses!!!
I hope my sis finds a cute french boy to frolic with though...
Oh yea, me, bri and my sissy all went to Main Event with Celie and Trevor... they're so cute together, and I'm so glad she's happy : ) she deserves it. It's rather... interesting... how there are a few things about Trevor that so blatantly remind me of Juan, too bad they couldn't hang out together... but oh well. Speaking of, Juan might come down here, which would be oh so much fun. *crosses fingers*
Alright well Brian appears bored to tears on the bed next to me, perhaps I shall go take advantage of him... and engage in riveting conversation :D
I heart you all
*muah*
-S2-Jess |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2004|04:22 pm] |
BWHAHAHAHA!
My sissy made me an icon...
It is my cherries slut... it makes me giggle.
Brian is back to his old goofy self and it makes me happy. He was all bummed the first week, like hardcore, but it's better now. And his pep is infectious. And he and my sister together... it's like everyone's on speed and it makes me laugh. Except in the mornings, when the evil ones pounce on me to wake up and attempt to tickle me til I've bitched enough for them to realize I'm serious. I'm a hardcore evil bitch when I'm being woken up.
Henna came over and we went swimming again. Twas fun. Except for the creepy guy with the ear piercing who stared at Henna through the holes in the rock. Then he and this girl kept looking at us all weird when they went to the hot tub. Meh...
Alright, now I'm not usually one for bitching about Brian's friends, mostly because they're all hardcore cool... But I'm officially registering a complaint about this Rachael girl. Supposedly she told Brian she was over him a long time ago, and of course started commenting about the hotness of this guy she knows and that guy she knows, but obviously that is not the case. Then he leaves for TX and she practically pines for him, another red flag for me. But now, she's just being really crappy to him, talking about what a waste of time it was getting to know him and shit like that. That's just stupid. Yes, it is a waste of time to get to know a great guy and just be friends with him. Great attitude to have. So of course he's hurt by that shit, I would be too if a someone I thought was a friend of mine, told me I was a waste of time. I mean, Bri and Hector are still awesome friends, and of course all the peoples he knows in Jersey, heck a few of em even want to come down here to visit and believe me they are all more than welcome to because I heart them. When Juan was here last summer we all loved it, and when I went up there for x-mas twas all fun too. So yes it is possible to maintain a long-distance friendship. To top off the aggravation, the threat of witchcraft has been made. I know some of you think it's all BS, but I believe in it, so bare with me. Normally, I wouldn't worry, because there are certain... "rules" that most people abide by, but the way she has talked about it is what worries me. First of all, you should never cast a spell on someone without their specific permission... she definitely doesnt have that. Second, the three-fold law. In summary, Karma is a bitch that will bite you in the ass if you give it reason to, anything you do will come back to you three times as strong, be it good or bad. This is usually enough to keep most people in line, but of course, not everyone... and the way she speaks about power and such... its just disquieting. The whole witchcraft thing to me is more about personal, hm enlightenment? I don't know. But it's definitely not about power. It's about energies, good and bad, and using the good to help others and yourself, and avoiding and banishing the bad. Well anyways, there's nothing wrong with a little protection so that is definitely what I intend to do.
Welp that's it for me...
Hopefully I shall be more devoted to this LJ thing... tis quite cleansing : )
I love you all!
-S2-Jess |
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| wow... an update |
[Jun. 19th, 2004|06:07 am] |
Indeed... it's 6:08 am, I can't go to sleep, Bri is knocked out next to me, and I finally decide to post... nothing extraordinary, just decided to unload the mind I spose... so yes here goes.
Ever go looking for something, find it, then wish you hadn't? Yea it sucks hardcore. So in the future, I advise you not to. It's better to attempt to leave all pedestals intact.
So brian is here. He got here Tuesday. Everything is generally good. But I have my doubts. It hit me Tuesday night how outrageous a thing it is for him to do. He's left all his close friends. Left his family (well ok that part wasn't so hard for him,) left all financial security... for me. Me... WTF. And I know he has to be sad. Who wouldn't be? I know I'd be bummed if i left everyone and everything I knew. But its like he won't let himself be upset. And the last thing I need is for him to resent me for it. I don't know what I want him to do. Maybe just have a good cry and get it all out, or is that just something we girls do? And I worry because he bottles a lot up. He says its because he doesn't want to cause trouble for anyone, but it causes more trouble because he doesn't say it. For example
Mom-"Do you guys want lunch"
Me-"What did you have in mind?"
Mom-"Sonic"
Me-"Bri?"
Bri-nods
Me-"Sure"
Mom-"You guys both want chicken strips?"
Me-"What do you want bri"
Bri-mumble...
Me-"What?"
Bri-"Nevermind, chicken is fine."
Me-"No bri, I didnt hear you what do you want?"
Bri-"Doesn't matter, chicken is fine."
Me-"I want chicken strips and Bri wants a... i think it was cheeseburger with bacon?"
Bri-"Jess no chicken is fine, I don't want to be any trouble"
Me-"Brian, for crying out loud you're not trouble she just wants to know what you want to eat"
Now that is a minor example... there are several more of these I could mention that are more relationship oriented, but I prefer to keep those private. Just don't think I'm hassling him over a sonic order.
Well another thing is the pain in my ass, aka my father. Now, I thought the whole father/daughter/boyfriend thing, was usually the dad was an asshole to the boyfriend. Not my dad. I can't complain one bit about the way he treats Brian to his face, it's the way he treats me. Ever since Brian got here, he's short-tempered, bitter, rude, and just a bitch. Not to mention the fact that Brian isn't allowed upstairs at my dad's house, upstairs where I spend 99% of my time when I'm there... he's not even allowed up there when other people are there too... Bri me Kim and Henna were all going to unpack some stuff in my room, but he wouldn't let Brian up. Right, I'm going to have an orgy with my boyfriend, our friend, and my SISTER!!! EWW! But yea, I sleep in the same bed with Brian at one house, and practically have to stay a minimum of five feet away from him or be battered with dirty looks in my other house. And my dad tries to plan all these things, and says to me and my sister "you two are invited." "What about Brian" "You two are invited..." yea F that. And he actually expects me to WANT to spend time with him when he's being such a prick. I'll be over Sunday, because after all it is father's day. But Sunday night, I'll be right back over here. And aparently this disease my dad had caught is infectious... everyone in that household is catching the be-a-bitch-to-Jesse disease. And when Susan and my dad are together, oi... I might as well just sit on the porch and beat the shit out of myself because it would be a lot less painless. Now my theory behind all this is that my dad is jealous of Brian because obviously I'm spending a lot of time with him, and he knows I care about him very deeply. But if my dad expects me to spend time with him then he better stop pushing me away. He hasn't been replaced, but he's sure as hell not making time with him appealing at all.
Moving on... Henna is the shit. Everyone should bow down to her. Bow now biotches. I miss seeing her everyday. I miss tons of people from TVS. I wish I hadn't lost touch with so many of them. And I wish I had a liscense and car so I could see them way more often.
Oh yea... random fact. I'm going to Austin College in Sherman next year, not Hendrix... they were tied for first until the last minute. Austin won b/c Lizard said Hendrix didn't put on great plays, Austin has bad ass theatre facilities, and of course distance and money played their roles as well.
If all goes to plan, Brian will be going to Grayson Community College, which is about two minutes away from my campus. I have to live in the dorms though, but we'll be able to move in together for junior year.
I don't know if I'm mad at Brian or not. It's hard to trust people sometimes. Hell, it's hard to trust myself. How can I trust him whole-heartedly when I feel he has so much inside that he's not letting out. Is he really intending to stick it out here? Or is this some summer fling and he'll drop me when fall comes? Will he be able to meet people here and make a real life for himself? Or will he run back to the ones he had? I am so not worth any of this, I don't know what he was thinking, and I don't know how I could let him do this. But I want to be with him forever. I want him to stay. And I want to be with him. I want both of us to be happy. I wish I knew what he wanted.
-S2-Jesse |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
I AM SELFISH!!!!
i admit it!!! i am! thats good... well bad... but now i know it!!! i'm selfish and i have to change... right now...
holy fuck i've been enlightened...
*bows to henna*
ok... i'm selfish, and thats bad, but its good because i know i need to change, and if i know i'm selfish then i can change, because i didnt know before but i know now so i can fix it... cuz you can't fix what you dont know...
and he HASN'T forgotten damn it!!! He's just pretending he has... he's not thinking about it, which is different from forgetting...
so all i have to do is change... then make him think about it... or remember... or whatever...
ok... i can do this...
fuck... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2004|11:23 pm] |
hmm... i havent made an entry in a while... so i spose i'll make a short one
well i miss my sissy, she left for DC today. its not like i see her that much during the week anyway, but just the fact that i can't see her frustrates me.
began a new trimester today... no i'm not pregnant you fools its the crazy ass public school system. well it makes me sad, cuz just as soon as i meet people and get comfortable, all my classes change and everyone i know gets put in different classes and i dont have lunch with anyone i know. actually it wasnt as bad this time as it was last... but still, i miss my old schedule. but i think i'll like the teachers i have now. some of them just seem so passionate about what they teach, and taht's what i'm used to. every teacher at tvs is passionate about what they teach, no one there hates their job, well... most days anyway. but at public school, they teach because they have to. coaches are required to teach, which i think is the dumbest idea i have ever heard of because then you get these half ass teachers who dont teach you anything, they just have you regurgitate informaiton straight from a book to a piece of paper and call it a quiz. oi it frustrates the hell out of me. and then there are so many kids here that just dont give a damn, they dont care if they fail... and i'm just like uuuh hello? failing means you have to do it again! what a waste... and cheating is so rampant, and i hate when people take my answers. its one thing if they ask for help and we discuss or whatever, but when i get up to get a tissue or something, and i come back and my sheet is being passed around...aarrrgg i just want to kick them!
i miss my trinity valley friends. been talking to them more lately. i really wish i had a license. i told michi if she ever gets bored she can call me and we can hang out, but i guess she hasnt been getting bored. i havent seen christa in forever and a year. i miss her... and everyone else, i just grr... i miss acting too. i'm assistant director for a huge play at school, but i still havent acted. i miss it. but hopefully i'll be able to for coffee shop at school, basically you can do whatever you want with whoever you want, but i need to find people to do stuff with.
prom... i wasnt going to go originally, but a bunch of my friends want me to go, and more of them are going than i thought so i'll know people and whatnot, but i face the whole issue of a date and a dress and a table... they've been suggesting people to ask, but i really dont know them. I wish i could go with brian, *sigh*. it's so far away too, people are freaking out about it already, i remember at tvs goiing out the week before prom and finding a dress and buying tickets the last day you could and all of us just going as a huge group. twas fun... i wanna do it again... someone from tvs invite me!!! I wanna be someone's date, i'll guarantee free sex for whoever takes me!! (okay not really but hey, i wanna go!)
alright well i think that qualifies as an actual post... perhaps i shall post more later and reveal the deeper feelings, but right now i'm too tired to think... and i miss brian cuz he's not online and he hasnt called... gr.
welp goodnight to you all and i love you
call me peoples!
-S2-Jesse |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2004|11:21 pm] |
i think its pretty : ) ... doesnt really apply anymore, but pretty nonetheless...
it makes me laugh... and its so true, i would totally do the rainbow schtuff : ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2004|12:25 pm] |
this is a break from packing... it's 12:25, i have to be packed by 2, and i'm well on my way so yea... i dont know how i'm going to get all this stuff home because i have way more than what will fit in my bag. i may have to check my back pack and like just dump everything in a shopping bag and carry that on the plane with me. it seems like i have twice as much stuff compared to when i got here, and its prolly not far off... cuz i got all the xmas gifts, i bought a new hoodie (hey hoodies take up a lot of room in a suitcase!) and a thousand new cds... *sigh* i guess i'll figure it out...
i cried three times already... and i feel like i'm going to again soon. i miss him so much already, and he's just at school... i'll get to see him in like an hour and a half, but i wish we could have spent more of today together... i would have just wanted to stay in bed and cuddle with him for the whole day... i hate the leaving part... it wasnt so hard last time because he had only been there for a short while and we made every last minute busy... i didnt have time to be sad before he left because we were always together laughing and hugging and *cough cough* ;) but it was a nice ending... i didnt cry til after he walked into the airport, and yea then i just kind of burst into tears but it was okay because he didnt see me that way... but i know as soon as he gets home today i'm just going to run into his arms and cry... then that'll prolly make him cry and we'll just stand there and cry til i have to leave... i dont want our last few minutes together to be like that... i want to be happy and just be glad that i had this time with him, but i know it wont work that way... we have at least an hour long car trip to the airport... i hate car rides to the airport, and long ones just suck times ten... i know i'm just gonna curl up and cry the whole f'in time...
i love him so much you guys... if i ever have any doubt about being with him for the rest of my life i just think of these moments and how much it hurts to leave him and hurts to not be with him... i really hope we end up close next year... i dont know where i'm going to go to college, neither does he... its all so up in the air... long distance is so hard to deal with...
i still cant believe i was here... it all still feels like a dream. like any minute i'll wake up back in my bed in tx and none of this will have happened. this place feels so familiar... like i've lived here forever, and not just his house, his school, his friends, even new jersey, it was all just so comfortable like i've been here a million times before. i cant even remember brian's house feeling new or different... it was just like... i walked into his room for the first time, but it felt like the billionth time... it was just his room, i'd been here before... that's where he sits and talks to me online, this is where he lays and talks on the phone with me, this is where he plays video games... i dont want to leave... i really dont... i mean i want to see my parents and sister and friends and everyone, but i dont want to be without him... i want to go home WITH him... i cant leave him here... he needs to be taken away from all of this... get away from his parents... i want to take him with me... i want to never let him go... i want to be right next to him always...
bring on the waterworks... -_-
alright i guess i better go finish packing...
i heart you all
-S2-Jesse
<3 Brian's Girl<3 |
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| interesting... |
[Dec. 26th, 2003|09:30 pm] |
hm for some odd reason i have the urge to actually use this... i realized i haven't posted on xanga for like... months... and i mostly read peoples livejournals anyway... so i might as well give this a try...
well yes... most of you know that i'm in PA with brian :D. i'm staying at his house n schtuff... i have my own room and i actually sleep in it... i'm afraid his mom is going to chop my head off if we sleep in the same room together. we did twice... the first night i fell asleep watching a movie in his room on the couch and he was on the bed, she practically guilted me into sleeping in my room the next day, she was like aww i ibought new sheets for you and a new pillow and you don't even want to sleep in there... then later before she went to bed she was like "you sleep in that room tonight okay!" so i was like geesh... then the other time bri cuddled with me for a while and we both fell asleep in my bed, i ended up rolling onto the floor that night cuz the bed is tiny... and aparently she flipped out on him the next morning...
welp right now i'm chilling at steve's house in new jersey... steve went to drop off his brother jon somewhere to go bowling and steve me n bri didnt really want to go... and juan came over and he and brian are playing some pokemon version of tetris attack or something like that... they want me to play but i know i'll get my ass beaten... i suck hardcore at video games
christmas... fifty billion people came to bri's house... and they all sat in the kitchen and spoke spanish at a hundred miles per hour... me, bri, bri's brother chris, bri's godsister debbie, and her b/f all hung out in bri's room most of the time... we went downstairs to get food and that was it... but generally they were all nice... oh wait we all opened presents together too.. bri's mom got me this really pretty bracelet cept none of us could figure out how to open the clasp... and bri's godmother sylvia got me this necklace... i didnt expect anything from any of them so i was like gah i feel special... and my mom sent me a package with stuff from her and some of my relatives and my grandma gave me this amazingly gorgeous watch... i felt like such a dork though i was like bri do you know what time it is? wait a minute i do *cheezy whip out of arm* teeheehee... but yes got some cds and chocolate and lots of good stuff...
haha... juan's looking at a yearbook and the three of them (steves here too) are remeniscing about girls... oi rather sickening... ah well... its funny cuz bri stays silent cuz he knows if he said some of the shit they're saying i'd prolly jump his ass... *shakes fist*
alright welp i'm off to watch them play video games... most people are bored watching but hey i love it... meh...
merry late xmas to all of ya
i heart you all
*muah*
-S2- Jess |
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| just cuz it looked fun |
[Oct. 7th, 2003|10:13 am] |
x. name = Jesse
x. piercings = ears double pierced
x. tattoos = double
x. height = 5'6"
x. shoe size = 8 1/2 to 9
x. hair color = black and red
x. length = f'in long man... down to the top of me bum
x. siblings = 1 younger sis
last...
x. movie you rented = hmmm dont really remember
x. movie you bought = dont remember either... it's been a while
x. song you listened to = afi the leaving song
x. song that was stuck in your head = a song from beauty and the beast... i have no idea how it got there but yea it was stuck in my head on and off for like three days...
x. song you've downloaded = *sigh* still cant d/l songs
x. cd you bought = queens of the stoneage
x. cd you listened to = one brian burned for me :D
x. person you've called = bri of course :D
x. person that's called you = bri
x. tv show you've watched = um... "while you were out" i think
x. person you were thinking of = Bri
do...
x. you have a bf or gf = yup
x. you have a crush on someone = BRIIIIIAAANN!
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = uh huh... but anywhere with bri would be good
x. you think about suicide = used to... dont really anymore though
x. you believe in online dating = lol... well yea
x. others find you attractive = um not really, cept bri... so yea he needs his eyes checked
x. you want more piercings = yup... cartilage, nose, eyebrow, tongue, possibly labret... idk we'll see doenst really go with the acting career though
x. you want more tattoos = yea i want two
x. you drink = not anymore
x. you do drugs = not anymore
x. you smoke = bleh... never
x. you like cleaning = only on occasion, but when i get in the mood i clean everything
x. you like roller coasters = hell yea
x. you write in cursive or print = kinda a hybrid... but mostly print
x. you carry a donor card = um no... would be a good idea though *note to self*
for or against
x. long distance relationships = for
x. using someone = against
x. suicide = hm that's hard ot answer... against i spose, even though i tried it
x. killing people = against
x. teenage smoking = against any smoking, but its not like i wont hang out with someone just cuz they smoke
x. doing drugs = not for me anymore, but wont hold it against you
x. premarital sex = i quote john... "if the love is there"
x. driving drunk = AGAINST
x. gay/lesbian relationships = for
x. soap operas = hm i've never really watched one... so meh cant really say
favorite...
x. food = anything and everything from simply fondue
x. song = gah... have way to many but iris by the goo goo dolls comes to mind *winks at bri*
x. thing to do = act on stage... god i just love doing it so f'in much
x. thing to talk about = SEX! BWAHAHAHA... ok yea not really... idk i like talking about lots of stuff
x. sports = well... i love watching hockey... and swimming's pretty fun... i'm on a swim team now for those of you who didnt know... and of course soccer
x. drinks = dr pepper, vanilla coke, water, juice... on a big juice kick lately...
x. clothes = bondage pants all the way :D
x. movies = The Crow, Romeo & Juliet, Moulin Rouge, American History X
x. band = gah... ok there's no way i can pick just one... i'm not even gonna try to pick a top five...
x. holiday = christmas is always fun... i really love the "christmas spirit" and it always smells so nice and looks so pretty
x. cars = hm... well i want my dad's '98 civic... but i really like the honda del sol... but hey anything with four wheels and a motor is good
have you...
x. ever cried over a boy/girl= several times
x. ever lied to someone = yes, but i think everyone's lied at some point
x. ever been in a fist fight = nope cuz yea i dont think me bitch slapping zepeda last year counts as a fist fight
x. ever been arrested = nope nope
what...
x. shampoo do you use = herbal esscences
x. perfume do you use = um i have a couple that were given to me that if i find i use... bath and body works body splashes... cool water... this leo stuff...
x. shoes do you wear = boots! lots of boots!
x. are you scared of = lot's of things i spose... losing people is a big one
number...
x. of times I have been in love? = 1
x. of times I have had my heart broken? = a few times
x. of hearts I have broken? = none i think, there have been things between brian and me, but they've always been mended
x. of boys I have kissed? = well kissed a ton, but in that friendly way that i kiss everyone... but KISSED kissed... 2 ... kissed and felt it in my knees? only one :D
x. of girls I have kissed? = too many to count, again in the friend way
x. of men I've slept with? = 1
x. of girls I've slept with? = none
x. of continents I have lived in? = 1
x. of drugs taken illegally? = 1, but that's over now
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = hm... i think i trust too much so i'd put my life into several peoples hands... there are definitley a few i know i wouldnt trust though
x. of people I consider my enemies? = enemies? hmm none really, there are people i dont like... but they're not really enemies...
x. of cd's that I own? = oi... i have no idea... way to many to count
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = um at least once in California when i was on vacation for this new years resolution thing
x. of scars on my body? = well a big one on my right arm, and yea lots of little ones i guess
x. of things in my past that I regret? = well i would say my suicide attempt, but i really think that was sort of a turning point in my life... it made me realize a lot of things... so i guess i regret it, but i guess i wouldnt change it because it's helped to make the person i am now
x. FAVORITE
x. disney movie- geez i love almost all of them... you'd be surprised about all the symbolism in em too... like... ancient symbolism *everyone MUST go read The Da Vinci Code*
x. school mascot- well i've been a trojan since 5th grade, and even a school change didnt change that
x. cologne- axe... mmm the smell of hot boy
x. perfume- *shrug* dont really have a fave i guess
x. word- *shrug again*
x. sport- love to watch hockey, love to swim, and watch soccer too
x. football team- geez i have no clue
x. nickname- Kittie
x. guy name- ash
x. girl name- hmm dnot really know
x. eye color- well color doenst matter too much, there's just this beauty to some eyes thats ineffable
x. flower- rose
x. peircing- ooo... lots of them are sexy
x. actor- Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Brandon Lee
x. actress- Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore,
x. CRUSH SIDE
x. do you have a crush- my b/f
x. who is it- Brian
x. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend- yup
x. do you love them- so very much
x. are you in love- mhmm : )
x. do they know this- i only tell him every day
x. do they care about you- i believe so :D he tells me he does so i assume so :D
x. what do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend- fun, caring, sweet, makes me laugh, makes me smile
x. do looks count- i'm a firm believer that the more you get to know somebody and the more you start to like them then the hotter they get to you, whether they were hot or not to start out with
x. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE..
x. pretty- no
x. funny- sometiems i guess
x. hot- uuuuh no
x. friendly- i try to be :D
x. amusing- sometimes
x. ugly- yup
x. loveable- hmm... i think so... guess that's somefin to ask otehr people
x. pessimistic- oftentimes
x. optimistic- rarely, but yea sometimes
x. caring- i definitely try to be
x. sweet- again, i try to be
x. dorky- *stands proudly* oh yea
x. FRIENDS..
Who is your best girl friend?: ok i'm givin two categories for most of these because it's too soon to tell at my new school... so... tvs: margie and christa ths: coleen and tonya
Guy friend?: bri :D but non-b/f ones.. prolly John and this guy at ths steven
Do you get along with people easily?: most of the time, especially when i get over the shyness factor i usually have initially
Why/Why not: well the shyness always plays in, but if i get comfy i can be fun
Who have you known the longest?: margie
Who do you dislike the most?: prefer not to say...
Was your crush/bf/gf a close friend before you liked them?: no not really it was pretty fast
Most likely to have a 2 year relationship: i think margie and john are gonna last for a long time, and this girl coleen and her b/f are gonna be together for a long time too
Cutest couple: margie and john... definitely
Most loyal: margie and christa... we have our up and downs but it's almost always good in the end... its too soon to really know about the ones at ths
Most athletic: steven... damn that boy can swim
If you were stuck with only 2 friends, who would you pick and why?: Brian cuz i love him and Margie cuz she's just so fun
If you could date >ONE< guy/girl friend, who would you date?: BRIAN :D
If you were the opposite sex, which member of the same sex (as you are now) would you date and why?: well i'm not really interested in anyone like that right now cuz i have brian... but i guess if i had to choose i'd say margie because she's such a great friend and i love her to death
Most likely to be on America's Most Wanted: geez... i can think of plenty of people who'd just like be involved in a prank that went to far or something hehe
Most likely to be a stripper: ME! but then again i think i oculd see a bunch of us doing it for some reason...
Doctor: Rita actually
Teacher: bri possibly, not sure
Stay at home mom: hmm.... not sure
One you'd travel across the world for: almost any one of my friends
Biggest wanna-be playa (boy): um... geez idk
Biggest wanna-be playa (girl): *shrug*
Biggest thug: lol... i have no f'in clue
Who has the nicest parents?: well, nice to me is prolly margie even though i know they're not always the nicest to her
Who is like your adopted sister/brother?: no one really
Who is the most like you?:hm dnot really know
geezuz that took a shit load longer than i thought it would... so yea i'm going to be using this site for a while i guess... idk we'll see what happens because i really do heart my xanga...
love you all
-S2-Jess |
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| whyyyy?? |
[Aug. 14th, 2003|03:10 am] |
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yes yes... because xanga is down i now have a livejournal... woohoo |
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